


hands that tremble

by ohkeiji



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Togami Byakuya Being An Asshole, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, Togami Byakuya is Emotionally Constipated, general talking/thinking about sex, there is no sexual content in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohkeiji/pseuds/ohkeiji
Summary: At one point or another, it occurs to Togami that he might die a virgin.Togami crosses his arms and gives Naegi a steady look. “I am going to have sex with you.”Naegi blinks once, blinks twice. “I… What?”
Relationships: Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 12
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a few notes  
> -no cameras in this version at least not in the bedrooms bc that makes me ~uncomfy~  
> -this takes place probably after? the 4th chapter? i didn't give it much thought and it isn't too relevant tbh  
> -general cw for anxiety and talking/thinking about sex (hence the mature rating)  
> -i'll leave a more explicit warning in the end notes to avoid spoilers but there is NO sexual content in this fic

At one point or another, it occurs to Togami that he might die a virgin.

The realization is troublesome because once it occurs to him, he can’t stop thinking about it. The idea sits wrong with him, a steady pressure on his shoulders that toes the line between uncomfortable and overwhelming. He hasn’t really ever thought about sex before, not besides middle school biology and an unspoken conversation about continuing the Togami bloodline, and he wonders if maybe he should be thinking about it more.

After around a week of constantly thinking about the issue, Togami is fed up. He forces himself to sit down and look at his options. There’s no one in this god forsaken place he wants to sleep with, but some options are certainly better than others. Not Asahina, not Hagakure (gross). Toko would only bug him more if he had sex with her, so she’s off the table, too.

He needs secrecy first and foremost, he decides. He thinks about Kirigiri. Although infuriating enough, she’s… pretty, he guesses. She sure knows how to keep a secret, considering she hasn’t even shared her own talent. The thought makes him turn his nose up in disgust. No, he can’t trust her. He thinks about her level-headed demeanor and heavy, penetrating stare, and shakes his head at himself. She wouldn’t even humor the idea in the first place, anyways.

That leaves… Naegi.

“No.” Togami says out loud to himself in the silence of the library. It sounds louder than it actually is, but Togami doesn’t allow himself to flinch. He looks back down at his book. He’s been stuck on the same page for the past thirty minutes, lost in thought. He dog-ears the corner and flips it shut, then sets it on the table he’s sitting in front of. He allows himself a moment to put his head in his hands and sighs deeply. The pressure doesn’t let up, instead teetering on suffocating now that Togami has finally acknowledged it.

Naegi is trustworthy enough, Togami guesses as he stands up abruptly. He can hear a small noise from deeper into the library when he moves, and he doesn’t even glance in Toko’s direction when he says, “Leave me alone, swine,” and exits the room.

He spends the walk towards the dorms convincing himself this is a good idea. He can’t be worried about dying a virgin if he isn’t a virgin. Once he has sex, he can forget this whole stupid idea and be at peace again.

God, it’s all so stupid. He doesn’t get why he’s stressed out about something like _virginity_ , which he’s pretty sure is some abstract idea in the first place. Isn’t it usually girls who worry about this stuff, anyways?

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Togami mutters to himself as he stalks past the dining hall. His heart is beating fast in his chest once he gets to the dorms, and he convinces himself it’s from anger rather than nerves. Byakuya Togami does _not_ get nervous.

It’s that thought that spurs him forward to ring Naegi’s doorbell, and he pretends he doesn’t regret it the moment it happens. He waits for a moment, and he can’t even fool himself and ignore the hope that maybe Naegi isn’t there. After all, Naegi tended to wander the school a lot, especially with the new areas that have opened up recently—

The door swings open, and all the hope leaves Togami in one quiet, composed exhale. Naegi’s rubbing a hand over his eyes, mid-yawn, and his clothes are all crumpled and creased. Togami pulls a face at the sight but sets his shoulders and strolls inside, feigning a casual demeanor.

“Wha—Togami?” Naegi turns, movements clumsy from sleep, but closes the door behind him. Togami relaxes, if not only marginally. “What are you doing here?” His eyes widen as he watches Togami take in his room, which in all honesty is probably cleaner than Togami’s sans the unmade bed.

 _This will have to do_ , Togami thinks as he crosses his arms and gives Naegi a steady look. “I am going to have sex with you.”

Naegi’s jaw genuinely drops and he blinks once, blinks twice at Togami. “I… What?” Is all he can manage.

“You heard me.” Every inch of his body is _screaming_ at him to look away from Naegi, but Togami is stubborn and prideful and refuses to show the embarrassment he can’t fully suppress on the inside.

“I mean, _yeah?_ ” The breath visibly leaves Naegi as he lets out a long breath, and he reaches up a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. He _radiates_ nerves, awkwardness, his heart always on his sleeve. It makes Togami roll his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I heard you, but, uh. Why?”

“Why what?” The words come out with venom. Togami’s impatient, and a little frustrated at being delayed. “Spit it out.”

“Since when have you wanted to have sex with me?” Naegi looks back at him with a furrow between his eyebrows.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Why not Toko? She’s been throwing herself at your feet this entire time—“

“I would never sleep with a fool like her.” Togami scowls.

Naegi raises an eyebrow at him, and all at once Togami remembers that he’s not an idiot, that Naegi is curious by nature and surprisingly intelligent. He feels suddenly exposed, like someone had pulled all the blankets off the bed while he was fast asleep, and he is _not_ a fan of the feeling in the slightest. He opens his mouth to say some insult or maybe just say fuck it and leave, but Naegi speaks first.

“Do you actually like me, or I am just the least-worst person here?” He asks.

Both answers are terrible, absolutely awful, and Togami wishes he could just not respond but that would wound his pride too much. “The latter.” He says, looking away from Naegi’s stare. “Now, can we get on with it?” It’s the last thing he wants to do, really, but it’s better than having this conversation.

“Why are you trying to have sex with me when you don’t even like me?” Naegi doesn’t sound hurt, just curious. He takes a step forward, and Togami can’t stop himself from tensing up.

“It shouldn’t matter.” Togami mutters.

“Maybe not to you, but it does to me.” Naegi speaks earnestly. “I don’t want to just, like, take advantage of you.”

“You? Take advantage of me?” Togami’s temper flares and he closes the distance between them, looming over Naegi because of the height difference. His composure is beginning to crack, the pressure building and building with his anger. “You should consider yourself _lucky_ that I—“

“You’re shaking.” Naegi interrupts softly, reaching out a hand and grabbing—no, holding the wrist of the arm Togami had been gesturing wildly with. He doesn’t look fazed in the slightest besides the faintest crease in his forehead.

Everything in Togami stops, and he suddenly feels like a shell of himself, his chest agonizingly empty. He looks down at Naegi, and Naegi looks back at him, and Togami feels lost. He opens his mouth to speak, to say _something_ to save his reputation, but a trembling breath is the only noise he can make.

Moving slow, as though Togami were a wild animal to be spooked, Naegi places his other hand on Togami’s shoulder, high enough up where his thumb just barely touches the starched collar of his shirt. When he speaks, he does so with careful words. “I’m not going to have sex with you, Togami.”

“I—“ Togami tries, but his voice cracks and he immediately wants to die.

“Shush.” Naegi says. “You don’t—Don’t say anything, okay?” He falters a little, trying to find the right words, but he keeps his gaze firmly on Togami. “We aren’t gonna do anything, but you can stay here, if you want. I don’t… I wouldn’t mind.”

Togami blinks down at him. What sort of mind game is he trying to play? Why would he stay with Naegi? He doesn’t like Naegi. He can barely _tolerate_ him. He came here with a purpose, no other reason—

With a sudden drop of his stomach Togami realizes he’s _failed_. He came here to have sex, and was flat out rejected by _Naegi_ of all people, and there’s a heat that crawls up the back of his neck and he is abruptly filled with a wild panic he hasn’t felt since he was a child.

“Togami?” Naegi asks, subtly reminding Togami of his presence. His tone is like that of someone comforting a child after a nightmare. Togami is hyperaware of Naegi’s hands on him and a far away part of his brain wonders if Naegi can feel his quick pulse through his sleeve.

The rest of his brain, however, is quite focused on screaming at him to get the hell out of there, so Togami listens. He can’t even bring himself to speak, mortified at both what he might say and the potential of his voice cracking again, so he just pulls away from Naegi and bolts.

Well, he doesn’t _bolt_ , that would just be crude, but his pace is quick as he steps back from Naegi. He lets him go, eyes concerned, but Togami can’t even _look_ at him as he approaches the door. He doesn’t bother closing it behind him as he flees from the room. His hands are _still_ trembling, and Togami stares down at them as he goes… somewhere. He’s not sure where, yet.

His heart beats loud in his ears. His thoughts are going at a million miles an hour, which honestly isn’t that abnormal for someone with his level of intelligence, but what _is_ abnormal is how he can’t process them, can’t distinguish them from one another with any sense of ease.

He enters the first floor of the school and ducks into the first room he knows will be empty—the AV room. He sits down and takes a deep breath, but he can’t stop looking down at his hands. He thought he had gotten _over_ this. They haven’t shaken from anything other than the cold in years.

“Fuck.” Togami hears himself say. His voice is low and wavers on the single syllable. He grimaces.

How embarrassing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i only edited this chapter a lil bit... sorry 4 any mistakes >-<

Togami doesn’t remember falling asleep, but wakes up regardless to find himself in a chair, surprisingly comfortable and warm. He blinks a few times to rouse himself, but the room is dark. The only thing he can really see is something that is very, very close to his face.

A person. There’s someone— they’re sitting on him. There’s a person in his lap, sitting side straddle so their legs are swung over his own and their heels gently nudge his shins. It’s too dark to make out their features, and what he _can_ see seems to dissolve and reappear like swirling sand. And yet…

He’s not scared. He still feels warm, not just from the presence in his lap, but the inside of him, too. It’s a foreign feeling that he’s too tired and unfocused to analyze, and he can’t quite find the desire to care all that much.

The figure raises a hand and presses it against his cheek. Every movement seems blurred, indistinct, but the slight force that comes with the gesture reassures him enough that he leans into their touch. 

...It’s nice.

Then, they come in close, and their cheek brushes against Togami’s for a brief moment as they duck and settle into the crook between Togami’s shoulder and neck on the opposite side of where their hand is. Like a hug, maybe. It’s ticklish. Togami feels like he should be holding his breath, but it’s like he’s unable to control his own actions. He just sits and feels the steady rise and fall of the person’s chest, pressed in close to his own, and he feels his eyes start to water. 

They turn their face slightly, and Togami feels the slight press of lips against his neck, soft, soft, soft. 

The kiss abruptly turns the comforting warmth into some horrible, dreadful feeling that wells up in his chest and burns away at his insides, and it’s like they _know_ , their hand falling from his cheek to rest on his chest, over his heart.

He wants to feel like this all the time, he thinks deliriously as his head tips back. His entire torso is scorching but he doesn’t mind, doesn’t mind at all when the person in his lap kisses him again, higher up this time, and he expects the back of his head to hit the chair but when he leans back he keeps going, and his stomach does a flip as he falls backwards and

Togami wakes up. 

He has a moment of silent, ignorant bliss as he sits up, completely disorientated. He basks in it for all of a split second and then the details of the dream rush over him, instantly shattering any sense of calm as he’s overwhelmed with the memory.

He lets his head fall into his lap and forces himself to breath as he presses a hand to his chest. He can feel his own heart racing, and the same dreadful burning from the dream fills his chest, but this time it’s just _bad_ . It’s painful, it _hurts_ , and suddenly it clicks. 

It’s the _intimacy_ . He longs for it, a horrible feeling that overwhelms all of his senses until it’s all he can think about. As pathetic as it is, he yearns to be back in the dream, to actually feel someone so close to him, treating him like he holds value that isn’t included in his net worth. Someone that doesn’t _care_ about his net worth, he thinks faintly.

That’s how he knows the dream has fucked him up, a small voice in his head chides. In what world does Byakuya Togami not care about his own net value?

He shoves his face deeper into his lap and tells his brain to shut up.

* * *

He leaves his room later than he normally does. He hasn’t seen anyone since his… _encounter_ with Naegi yesterday, mostly because he had stayed hidden in the AV room until the nighttime announcement. His stomach growls (a reminder that he went without dinner), but Togami still isn’t exactly eager to face his peers right now, so he stalks towards the library with plans of burying himself in a book for a few hours. His thoughts are still messy, for the most part stuck on the dream, and the dread has yet to leave his system, clinging like a hot caramel that’s coated his insides. 

Fortunately, he’s drawn out of his thoughts when he gets to the library. Unfortunately, it’s because he finds Naegi standing outside the entrance. 

“Togami!” Naegi calls out his name, unnecessarily loud in the empty hall. “Good morning.”

He doesn’t respond, instead pushing past him and pretending the brush of their shoulders means nothing to him (and it _doesn’t_ , he tells himself, it’s just the dream messing with him).

“Togami, please,” Naegi’s tone softens as he follows Togami into the room, and he speaks earnestly as the doors shut behind him. “Can we talk?”

“I have nothing to say to you.” Togami sniffs arrogantly. He can’t look at Naegi, shame bubbling in his gut at the thought of their conversation yesterday. He feels entirely too hot, and turns so his back is fully to Naegi as he adjusts his collar.

“Fine. Can _I_ talk?” Naegi reaches out and grabs Togami’s elbow, and his spine goes ramrod straight. _How does he do it? How can he reach out and touch me so casually?_

Naegi takes Togami’s silence as an affirmative and continues on. “Clearly, you don’t want to talk about what happened yesterday. Even though I’d rather talk about it more with you, there isn’t much of a point if you aren’t willing to talk, too. So…” He sounds sheepish, now. “If you change your mind, my door’s open. If not, I’m not gonna say another word about the whole thing. Alright?”

Togami opens his mouth to respond and is horrified to find his throat completely locked up. Instinctively he moves to raise a hand to his mouth, and as quick Naegi’s touch came, it disappears.

_Speak._ He thinks, hovering around the edge of complete panic. _Say something._

There’s another beat of tense silence. Togami’s brain might be melting. It feels like his entire body has gone into overdrive, but he can’t bring himself to move. 

Naegi sighs, and it’s a moment of clarity in the midst of his oncoming breakdown. “Okay, I’ll leave you be, Togami.” Naegi pauses, then turns away and walks towards the door.

_This is your last chance._

Togami listens as the door opens, then closes with a soft thud. He feels faint, but all he can do is stand there and try not to lose his composure. 

It stings to know that despite his inner turmoil, he probably succeeds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE GET IT AO3 USER OHKEIJI. UR TOUCH STARVED  
> oops! long time no update, sorry :3 i'm gonna shoot for two more chapters to finish this thing off, but who knows, things could change!  
> dont be shy... talk to me about naegami on [tumblr](https://ohkeiji.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> content warning: togami talks himself into asking/trying to convince naegi to have sex with him because the idea of dying as a virgin gives him so much anxiety; nothing actually happens between them
> 
> hello take this thing i wrote like 3 months ago and barely proofread i just highkey wanted to post something  
> please lmk if there are better ways for me to tag this fic btw! i rly dont wanna make anyone uncomfortable/have someone upset because i didn't put proper warnings  
> but anyways i might add on more to this fic (spoiler alert but no sex will happen but it will probably be a further exploration of togami's sexuality/his and naegi's relationship) so lmk if you're interested!  
> ok byeee talk to me on [tumblr](https://ohkeiji.tumblr.com/) if you want


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